Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
