I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
