Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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