College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
