I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
