I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Drunk is a universal language darling
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
