I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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