If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
