Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
