Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just found puke in my bra..
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
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