oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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