carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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