I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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