somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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