don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
