Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Randomize
