My Higher Power is John Stamos
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
