U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Sober January is a disaster.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
