Well douche your snatch and let's go!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
