M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
