Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
