Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize