update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Boobs speak an international language.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
