Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
