the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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