Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
a search helicopter?!
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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