where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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