Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
