You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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