Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
