eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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