Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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