So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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