I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I skipped work to stalk him.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
