Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
