Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
