airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
