ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Fuck appropriateness.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
