you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
