Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
