I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
