i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
