Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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