you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just found a bag of teeth...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
