last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
