i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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