guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
