just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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