We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
