when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
