DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
