Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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