apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize