the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
