11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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