I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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