ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
