dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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