I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
