There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
