At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
