handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
